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What's the payoff?

3/28/2014

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What's the payoff for always playing the victim card? There is always a payoff for our behaviors or we wouldn't do the things we choose to do. Someone who always plays the victim card, the "role of the victim" in most if not every situation, feels the need to do so, but there is something they are getting out of it in return.

The "victim" wants others to see them as wounded, helpless or suffering is some fashion in order to illicit sympathy or empathy. It can be a tactic used on friends, family members, co-workers, spouses, ex-spouses, and even complete strangers. They like to turn the tables on stories, situations, past experiences so others feel sorry for them. Maybe it's attention they seek, maybe they are swindlers looking to manipulate people out of cash or others things. Perhaps they are attempting to get people to do their dirty work. It doesn't matter what the specific situation is, the "victim" is doing their best to avoid responsibility in some form or fashion. 

That responsibility may be paying their own debt, doing a project at work, or even having to "feel" something they don't care to feel. It is a way to maneuver around something they wish to avoid and get someone else to deal with it. It might not seem like much at first, but it can also be downright malicious and even illegal! They may even illicit sympathy from others based on past actions they took, but are now having a hard time dealing with the results of those actions. (i.e. - My ex-husband refuses to come see the kids because the kids are never happy to see him when he does, so why bother? When in reality, said ex-husband abandoned them for years and the parent-child bond was destroyed.)

Playing the victim role is calculating and requires a certain level of skillfulness. But I would caution you not to get caught up in this web. Instead of empowering themselves with the lesson that comes along with their experiences, they like to blame everyone and everything around them for their misfortunes. They like to blurry the perception of reality. They were late to work because of traffic, they can't find a job because no one is hiring, they can't save money because they have too many bills, they can't make friends because people are idiots, they drink to take the edge off, they are cold and bitter because of an ex-lover who did them wrong...and it goes on and on. When in realty the "victim" could have done a number of things to avoid each of these situations and change the outcome. They simply don't want to do what it takes and be responsible to make changes in their life, regardless of what it is they say they want.

Don't make excuses for other peoples neglect or bad behavior. Set boundaries and don't feel guilty if others can not agree to your limitations. Don't let others take advantage of your empathetic nature. Let them know you care, but they need to take responsibility if they want things to change in their life. Most importantly, don't take on the responsibilities of others in your life. You are not only feeding into their disillusions, but enabling them and denying them the lesson they need to move forward in their life. It's not up to you to do that, it is their responsibility to change from victim to victor!
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You've got a friend in me

3/6/2014

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A person once told me the following...Who do you think you are? You are nothing special! Who do you think is going to listen to you? Why do you think what you have to offer is so different or brilliant than anything else that is already out there? You don't bring any value, nobody wants to hear what you have to say. You know you are going to fail, what makes you think you will be a success? You are going to fail and embarrass yourself and people will talk about you. Just give up. 

With friends like that, who needs enemies, right?

I've made a new friend and this is what she tells me now...Only you can tell your story in your unique fashion that no other person on this planet can tell. You have the ability to reach people around the world and people need to hear what you have to say. You have a blend of gifts and talents that were given to you to share with others, to make an imprint on this world and leave your legacy behind.  Your words, your story and your life have value and sharing it with others can make a world of
difference to many people. I'm glad you didn't give up.

Both of these people are me. The first person speaks from fear, the second persons speaks from love. I had to divorce the first person as she was certainly not serving any purpose in my life. I kicked her low self-esteem, dark and fearful thoughts to the curb. I fell in love with and remarried the second person. She has taken a vow and pledged to love me until the end of time. She has my best interest at heart and we have a very trusting relationship. She has become my best companion. Our communication is compassionate, honest and open and she brings out the best in me. It is a union of true love, until death do us part.

Want to change the words you say to yourself? To go from fear to love I suggest you start with a song. Sing a song to yourself. Sing the theme song from the movie Toy Story, "You've Got a Friend In Me" by Randy Newman. Sing it to yourself. Sing it loud, sing it proud and mean every word of it! Dance around the room if you need to.

If you want to be a good friend to others, become your own best friend. Talk to yourself in uplifting ways. Boost your self-confidence by claiming your goodness. Don't allow fear based thoughts to linger, surround them with loving thoughts and kind gestures...you know, it's what you would do if your best friend called you to come over to help pull her out of a funk. You would do everything you could to convince her that "You've Got a Friend In Me."

You are your own best friend. Talk to and treat yourself as such.

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Do what you love ~ love what you do

3/4/2014

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I LOVE WHAT I DO!! <3 

Two weeks ago a client texted this to me: "Thank you do much for your help! You are always such a huge help and I can't thank you enough for all that you do to help me!" If that doesn't make a Life Coach feel great, I don't know what does!

Then today I received this text: "Things are getting better! I'm much happier and work is getting better. I just got a raise and I'm first in line for a promotion if I hit my goals by the end of March! And there's more!!"

We have worked together in the past discussing using tools such as vision boards and how to use positive affirmations and recently she and I spent just two ONE hour sessions on the phone working on clarity, focusing on her goals, changing perspective, asking for help and making a plan (with the help of a timeline.)

This client is DOING THE WORK and manifesting into her life the things that bring her joy and fulfillment and I could not be prouder or happier for her!! 

And oh, she also texted this sexy beast to me...her latest manifestation, a 2009 Dodge Challenger!

I LOVE what I do, and she does too! Do you?
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Time to move a few things to the front burner and turn up the heat!

3/2/2014

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Time to move a few things to the front burner and turn up the heat!

Do you have a few things in your life that you have "back-burnered?" A project, a dream, a goal you were once excited about but allowed life to get in the way? We all have things we want to complete, achieve or do in our lives, but for one reason or another they have not come to fruition. We have placed them on the back burner, to simmer, or to cool down completely.

Maybe life got in the way. Perhaps we had to change the level of importance and we had to re-evaluate our priorities.
Did fear or self-sabotage play a roll? Unfortunately, there are far too many excuses we can use that keep us hungry for more, deprived of what really feeds our spirit.

Regardless of why something got put on the back burner, it's time to move it back to the front! Time to crank up the heat and get things cooking again! Stir up that boiling hot passion you once had and create that recipe for success!
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    About the Author

    Maureen Hayes enjoys writing words of inspiration and likes to challenge the typical thinking in order to illuminate potential and encourage growth in others. We hope you enjoy her Blogs, Short Stories, Poems and other writings. To learn more about Maureen, be sure to check out her Bio under the tab labeled 'More.'

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